Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
