He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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