And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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