Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
