textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i now understand why vodka
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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