You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
