You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
