thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've blown a few things in my day
please come you make the beer taste better
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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