I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
