first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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