What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
