I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize