Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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