I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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