Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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