I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
