I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
