when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
