My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
