i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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