My room smells like vodka and shame
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
