There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
even my farts smell like vagina
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
