nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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