we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize