i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
