So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize