I skipped work to stalk him.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
