either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
