i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
