Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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