well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize