My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
