Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I understand Curling. That high.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
