I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
