I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
