oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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