escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
