why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
