My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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