I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
