Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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