you guys were way drunker than both of me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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