I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize