She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
