i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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