I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Im part way to drunk.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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