I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
