We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You made out with two different species that night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
