just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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