Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
