I'm drive I can fine osifer
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
