Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
