I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
