I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
