just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
