so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
