fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
