did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
