this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
