i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
