her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
there is glitter all over my balls
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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