he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
