billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
