lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
