you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
