i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
