you would pick up someone in the library
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
