A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize