I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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