Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
