white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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