his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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