The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
