She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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