I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
