So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
